Launching Children

A concept I found interesting and helpful from this week's reading is launching children. When a couple is married and have kids, their primary focus on what they do and talk about are no longer about just the couple, their lives center around their children, especially from when they are babies until teenagers even to adulthood. Whether it is talking about school, sports practices and games, the couple's primary focus is on their kids. In the stage of launching children, the family is focusing on launching their children into the world, such as helping them move away to college or even if they go to a college near home, their children are no longer as dependent on them as they used to. They become more independent from their families, and learn to make a place for themselves in the world. This is when the parents have more time for themselves and their jobs and activities and they become a couple again, before they had children. However, this also depends, if there are younger children, then the family focuses on whoever is at home at the time. It is important during the launching children stage that the family still stays a family.

For example, I know of besides my family, another family where there are two boys, and a girl. The girl and older boy have now completed college and the baby of the family is in his second year in college. I know of the middle child from college and he plays a sport I tend to watch at school every year, and every time I would be at a game last season, I would usually see him mom and older sister and depending on the day and game, the father and younger brother. I was amazed at how tight knit of a family this was. I know the middle child, went to junior college before he transferred here to state, and even though he attended here, he commuted from home which is about a fifteen minute drive. His family was as close as they were when their kids were younger. I really value that, and even though the parent's primary focus is on their kids and their sports and school life, they still manage to keep their marriage happy and healthy. They are just like my parents. Where even though they have and are experiencing launching of children, they still manage to keep their marriage alive, and healthy. They have a balance of their kids needs and their own.

Marriage Over Time

Decades ago, people got married for convenience, where the females could have even been sixteen years old and the make may either have been the same age or even a decade older than them. Also before the 21st century, and our society becoming more liberal, marriage was based as an institution for one and one woman, and same sex couples were not accepted nor were they as common in society as they are now. Today, not only are same sex couples being able to become married, they are also more common, and more heterosexual couples are becoming divorced. We hear today that close to or even more than fifty percent of Americans are divorced.

Fifty years ago, marriage was valued as said when people state their vows, for better or for worse, till death do them part. People stuck to their wedding vows, and valued their family, and their marriage, it was considered a total marriage where the couple is together however not all the time. The man would be off at work doing his thing during the day, and the woman would be at home taking care of the home and kids, and doing their thing. Today, women are able to be more independent and have just as authoritative positions as men do. Based on cultural trends and evolving values of our generation, over the next fifty years, I predict the changes in marriage will and may be that non same sex couples will be able to get married in almost or all the fifty states and not just a few as they are now. Hopefully more heterosexual couples will not be divorced, in other words, the fifty percent of those who are will drop by ten to thirty percent or so and people will utilize more marriage counselors. Marriages in fifty years to me may also look like total marriages so that way the couple will have a balance in their lives and their love will last longer or for as long as they both are alive. I am hoping in fifty years, marriage may be able to be what it stood for fifty years ago, where couples stood by each other for better or for worse, and they stay together, so they turn the 21st century into, the generation that grew out of its own stages and used what was known in past generations, today, and for the future what can make a marriage work.

Family

I define family by whether it is a group of people or even two people who care for each other, and support each other, and love each other no matter what happens. It could be a family of four where there is a married couple, male and female with two kids, or two females and a child, or two males and a child, or just two females or two males. To me, family members are always there for each other, especially in time of need, they support one another through thick and thin, and they love one another day in and day out, now matter what happens each day, each person in the family knows that everyone in their family will love them and support them, even if they don't, they will still back them up and be there for them, because that's what families do. They stick together through good and hard times.

In the types of relationships discussed in the text on pages 308 and 309, I feel that total marriage fits in my definition of a relationship because in a total marriage as the text mentions, that the relationship is similar to a vital marriage where the individuals are there for each other, and like being around each other, and look forward to being with one another, however in a total marriage, each person has separate interests and do not have to always be around each other. Out of the rest of the relationships discussed such as passive-congenial marriage where partners are polite and interact, however their relationship is based off of sources such as pleasure and satisfaction, I have heard of those relationships and they can be common, however I would not define a relationship at least a successful relationship to be of that type. A devitalized marriage from what I have noticed in movies, and in the media, and from others I know of, are common with couples who have been married for awhile, or for those where one partner is always busy with work or their kids, and do not find time to spend with each other and they feel neglected which sometimes can lead to boredom and also affairs or divorces because there is no more spark in the marriage. Also, in conflict-habituated marriages which I have seen are also common relationships, the partners stay together only solely on the basis for either children, or financial reasons, however they are no longer compatible. An example of this type of relationship I wanted to mention is in the movie This Christmas featuring Chris Brown, Regina King, etc. Where one of the sisters in the family is married to a man named Malcolm, they have two kids and she is a stay at home mom where her husband is working all the time. They only got married in the first place because she became pregnant with her first child and they felt the right thing to do was getting married. However, after being married for about over a decade, the husband had been cheating with her from a lady from work, and the wife finally realized their marriage was no longer a marriage, they were no longer partners, that everything he said was a lie, they were no longer compatible so they ended their relationship and got a divorce and the wife was going to go back to school, get a degree, and be a single mother.

Family can be defined in different and multiple ways and each person has their own definition of what a family can be as the text also mentions. The definition of a family has changed over the past decades, and will continue to change as our society changes, and grows. However, it is important to not lose our own interpretation(s) of what a family is and means to us, because family is what keeps us going, whether it is parents and kids, friends with friends, or a combination, they are the people who know us best, and there is unconditional love, and no one and nothing can change that.

Relational Culture

When developing a romantic relation sip(s), it is important to be aware of how to navigate the relationship, meaning to maintain a healthy relationship by having effective communication with your partner, and take care of any unresolved issues that may be taking place. Under navigation,an interesting and helpful concept I found is the concept relational culture which "is a private world of rules, understandings, meanings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create for their relationship"(Bruess & Hoefs, 2006;Wood, 1982,2000a, pg.286). In other words relational culture has to do with unwritten rules that partners make in their relationship. It could include how a couple manages the way they speak to each other, for example they make sure they are open with each other on what is on their mind and going on in their life. It may also includes rules and rituals as well such as relating to how they communicate their anger, sexual interest, values, traditions, etc.

An example of relational culture reflecting in a relationship is with one of my good friends and her boyfriend. They both know what upsets each other, so they have their own ways of communicating when they are upset, bothered, or excited about something. Part of their relational culture is that neither of them have a social networking profile because that way, it lessens both their chances of being willing to talk to other people as far as opposite sex wise. They both also get suspicious of the other if one of them does not contact them at the certain time of the day like they do on a daily basis. I find their relational culture fascinating because I could and would never be able to have the same relational culture in my relationship. Relational culture depends on each relationship and it is different for every couple.

Experiencing Love or Commitment in a Relationship

I personally have never been in a relationship just because I have not met someone who I feel can and will be willing to handle me, and understand me, and we have similar interests, plus be committed as well. I will however, use an example of one of my good friend's past relationships where commitment was present, however love was not. My friend was with a guy for almost four years, and they had a lot in common, their relationship seemed great, they both were family oriented which is very important to both of them. However as the fourth year approached, my friend noticed that her and her boyfriend were distant, that they were arguing more than they used to, that whatever spark they had, was gone, and that she felt his distance lead to him not caring and loving her anymore. She ended up breaking up with him because of all their disagreements especially ones that involved their families plus she suspected he cheated on her. She found out a few months later, he never cheated on her, however his love for her, was no longer there, and vice versa.According to our text on styles of loving, my friend and her boyfriend experienced the secondary style of love pragma which means practical love. Which means "pragmatic lovers have clear criteria for partners, such as religious affiliation, career, and family background" (Wood, 2010, pg.281). My friend and her boyfriend ended up becoming in a relationship because they had those things in common, and they ended up going to the same college for a few years as well. However, those things they had in common are also what made them grow apart, and their love for one another, to grow apart as well.

What I can conclude on the impact of each is that although commitment can be linked to love, it is not the same thing as love. As the text also mentions. Love is a feeling based on all the time and effort we put into someone. For example, one of my other good friend's has been in a relationship with a guy for almost a year now, and if it was not for her love for him, they would no longer be together. They have broken up a few times, however it did not last for more than two days because they both really care and love each other. They are both also committed to the relationship, however she feels at times, she is putting more effort into their relationship, and is more committed than he is. Love and commitment are two important things in a relationship, without one, I do not think a relationship will be able to last. I feel and believe both are needed to have a functional relationship. That is why I have never been in a relationship because I have not met a guy yet who I feel both ways we can be committed to each other and also love each other. I find both qualities imperative for relationship to work and be successful.

Deception and Misrepresentation in Online or Face-to-Face Interaction

Since the 21st century has been around, there has been a rise of online romances because there are matchmaking sites that are growing daily. From eHarmony, to match.com, people are meeting, mingling, and falling in love, more often from online communication versus face-to-face interaction. Nowadays, people may be shy to go on blind dates or pick up someone at a bar. So individuals who are looking for love, use the internet to try to meet a potential mate for either themeselves or their friends. However, the disadvantages of online communication versus face-to-face communication is that someone's identity may not be what they may be claimed to be, for example a man may be posing to be a female, or a female a male. Another disadvantage or deception and misrepresentation can be that people can use outdated photos or photos of other people and they may also lie about their sex, race, and other forms of identity according to our text on page 278. In face-to-face interaction, people are able to see someone in person and they will know for sure what their race is, their sex, unless it is hard to tell, however online we may never know if someone is lying or not unless we conduct a credit and background check on them. Also as the text also mentions, it is hard to judge some aspects of chemistry without meeting face-to-face.

I do not think it is ethical for people to represent themselves inaccurately because they are deceiving people. However, it depends how they are misrepresenting themselves. If they are using outdated pictures of themselves or someone else's picture, then I do not think that is ethical at all. They are lying to the other person and are deceiving them. I think deception is likely to happen in both online and in face-to-face interaction, however I would say it most likely occurs more in online interaction because people can lie about their age, sex, etc. Rather in person, people cannot lie about those things since we are able to see them, in person they can lie about their job, or their lifestyle, and people can also lie about those in online interaction as well.

Role-Limited Interaction

A concept I found interesting and helpful in this week's reading was role-limited interaction which is when we might meet someone and we may become friends or acquaintances however due to not being able to see them often, we are unable to establish much of a bond with that individual. We are polite to one another however we "do not have enough personal knowledge of each other to engage in dual perspective, they tend to rely on general scripts and stereotypes" (Wood, 2010, pg.260). An personal example of a role-limited interaction is that there is this guy that I have known of for a little over two years now since he transferred here to state and he is about to graduate this fall. I have seen him a few times each semester on campus and when we see each other, we give each other a hug and have a conversation that lasts no longer than a few minutes. I know of him because he played on a sports team here that I help out with their events they have over the year and I have ran into him at those as well. We talk online here and there as well, however we still do not have each other's numbers, have never hung out, yet as the years have progressed, when we see each other, we are more comfortable around one another and we talk online more than we did a year ago. I have mentioned to hang before however since he commutes from a city that is about 15 minutes away and is on campus twice a week, and the days I do not have school, our schedules conflict, so it is hard to see each other. Our interaction with each other is limited. I am not sure if this is a hopeless situation or not. I would like to get to know him better, however am not sure if that is possible also if he would be willing to make the time as well.