Be Mindful (Guideline for Effective Listening)

One concept from throughout the semester that I feel can be used in further discussion is to be mindful in terms of when it comes to guidelines for effective listening. It is central to effective listening. According to our text, "mindfulness is a choice to be wholly present in an experience. It requires that we put aside preoccupations and preconceptions to attend fully to what is happening in the moment"(Wood, 2010, pg.164). I feel and believe this concept is one I will use on a daily basis now and for the future because as we learned in the text, listening is just as important even more important than talking. I have always been the type of person who always likes to talk and I also like to listen, however I am not that great of a mindful listener. I feel there are times depending who I am talking to and who is talking to me, I may not be fully paying attention to everything they are saying. That can sometimes lead to conflict or confusion because that person may have said something really important and because I was not mindfully listening, completely paying attention to what they were saying, I missed out on something that either could have been helpful to know or something that was important to that person and it seemed as if I ignored them, which is not the case.

I want to become a more mindful listener because if I am not fully present in the moment, in the future if I am at a job and someone important is talking for example, I may end up missing an important point they made because I was not fully (mindfully) listening.

I think if maybe if this was emphasized more by doing an activity or assignment where we could test ourselves by conducting an experiment on if we listen to a conversation or a speech or lecture mindfully versus take part in certain nonlistening tactics, to see the difference and compare and contrast them, and to see what works and does work. Overall, I feel listening is a crucial element in any given relationship.

Favorite vs Least Favorite Thing About Class

My favorite thing about this class was actually more than just one thing. I really enjoyed the weekly posts and being able to see what my colleagues had to say about each topic and question and being able to receive feedback from three different colleagues something I enjoyed. I thought the three different papers all provided different information and aspects on interpersonal communication and how human relationships vary from cultures, how they are in our own lives, and how they can be perceived in the media. I thought all three papers provided insight on how relationships develop and how through different relationships poses different challenges, as well as positive occurrences as well.

I do not have a least favorite thing about this class, however I believe this class can be improved by if one of the paper assignments could be a group project, or a partner effort or if we had an assignment that required collaboration with another colleague(s) because that way we could also use and develop the interpersonal communication skills from our class with our colleagues as well. That is the only thing I felt how this class can be improved, otherwise I like and enjoyed this class as it is.

What I've Learned From This Class

Over the course of the semester, I have learned so many new concepts about communication and human relationships in regards to interpersonal communication. I have learned more than just the basics of interpersonal communication which was great because during this semester I was also taking an interpersonal communication. So it was nice to be able to relate back and forth between both of the courses and compare and contrast and see what was similar about interpersonal communication. I learned about communication and personal identity and what the self is. I learned and perception and communication and how perception is influenced. I discovered the difference between verbal and nonverbal communication, and the different types of each. I especially enjoyed the chapter on mindful listening because in this chapter, forms of nonlistening were discussed as well as guidelines for effective listening which was a great resource and tool for me to be aware of since I have been working on my listening skills for most of my life. I like to listen however, have had a hard time at times of taking place in selective listening, and that is something I would like and have improved on since taking this course. I have also learned in depth about emotions and communication which was also a helpful tool because there are many times I out someone else's emotions before mine because I pay attention to how someone may feel or what their emotions are, and from this chapter I was able to gain being in tune with my own emotions. I have also learned about managing conflict in relationships, as well as friendships in our lives, committed romantic relationships, and communication in families which all helped me to be able to improve my relationships within my family and friendships.

Overall, all the concepts from this class I have learned throughout the semester, I will and have applied to my daily life and will continue to.

Launching Children

A concept I found interesting and helpful from this week's reading is launching children. When a couple is married and have kids, their primary focus on what they do and talk about are no longer about just the couple, their lives center around their children, especially from when they are babies until teenagers even to adulthood. Whether it is talking about school, sports practices and games, the couple's primary focus is on their kids. In the stage of launching children, the family is focusing on launching their children into the world, such as helping them move away to college or even if they go to a college near home, their children are no longer as dependent on them as they used to. They become more independent from their families, and learn to make a place for themselves in the world. This is when the parents have more time for themselves and their jobs and activities and they become a couple again, before they had children. However, this also depends, if there are younger children, then the family focuses on whoever is at home at the time. It is important during the launching children stage that the family still stays a family.

For example, I know of besides my family, another family where there are two boys, and a girl. The girl and older boy have now completed college and the baby of the family is in his second year in college. I know of the middle child from college and he plays a sport I tend to watch at school every year, and every time I would be at a game last season, I would usually see him mom and older sister and depending on the day and game, the father and younger brother. I was amazed at how tight knit of a family this was. I know the middle child, went to junior college before he transferred here to state, and even though he attended here, he commuted from home which is about a fifteen minute drive. His family was as close as they were when their kids were younger. I really value that, and even though the parent's primary focus is on their kids and their sports and school life, they still manage to keep their marriage happy and healthy. They are just like my parents. Where even though they have and are experiencing launching of children, they still manage to keep their marriage alive, and healthy. They have a balance of their kids needs and their own.

Marriage Over Time

Decades ago, people got married for convenience, where the females could have even been sixteen years old and the make may either have been the same age or even a decade older than them. Also before the 21st century, and our society becoming more liberal, marriage was based as an institution for one and one woman, and same sex couples were not accepted nor were they as common in society as they are now. Today, not only are same sex couples being able to become married, they are also more common, and more heterosexual couples are becoming divorced. We hear today that close to or even more than fifty percent of Americans are divorced.

Fifty years ago, marriage was valued as said when people state their vows, for better or for worse, till death do them part. People stuck to their wedding vows, and valued their family, and their marriage, it was considered a total marriage where the couple is together however not all the time. The man would be off at work doing his thing during the day, and the woman would be at home taking care of the home and kids, and doing their thing. Today, women are able to be more independent and have just as authoritative positions as men do. Based on cultural trends and evolving values of our generation, over the next fifty years, I predict the changes in marriage will and may be that non same sex couples will be able to get married in almost or all the fifty states and not just a few as they are now. Hopefully more heterosexual couples will not be divorced, in other words, the fifty percent of those who are will drop by ten to thirty percent or so and people will utilize more marriage counselors. Marriages in fifty years to me may also look like total marriages so that way the couple will have a balance in their lives and their love will last longer or for as long as they both are alive. I am hoping in fifty years, marriage may be able to be what it stood for fifty years ago, where couples stood by each other for better or for worse, and they stay together, so they turn the 21st century into, the generation that grew out of its own stages and used what was known in past generations, today, and for the future what can make a marriage work.

Family

I define family by whether it is a group of people or even two people who care for each other, and support each other, and love each other no matter what happens. It could be a family of four where there is a married couple, male and female with two kids, or two females and a child, or two males and a child, or just two females or two males. To me, family members are always there for each other, especially in time of need, they support one another through thick and thin, and they love one another day in and day out, now matter what happens each day, each person in the family knows that everyone in their family will love them and support them, even if they don't, they will still back them up and be there for them, because that's what families do. They stick together through good and hard times.

In the types of relationships discussed in the text on pages 308 and 309, I feel that total marriage fits in my definition of a relationship because in a total marriage as the text mentions, that the relationship is similar to a vital marriage where the individuals are there for each other, and like being around each other, and look forward to being with one another, however in a total marriage, each person has separate interests and do not have to always be around each other. Out of the rest of the relationships discussed such as passive-congenial marriage where partners are polite and interact, however their relationship is based off of sources such as pleasure and satisfaction, I have heard of those relationships and they can be common, however I would not define a relationship at least a successful relationship to be of that type. A devitalized marriage from what I have noticed in movies, and in the media, and from others I know of, are common with couples who have been married for awhile, or for those where one partner is always busy with work or their kids, and do not find time to spend with each other and they feel neglected which sometimes can lead to boredom and also affairs or divorces because there is no more spark in the marriage. Also, in conflict-habituated marriages which I have seen are also common relationships, the partners stay together only solely on the basis for either children, or financial reasons, however they are no longer compatible. An example of this type of relationship I wanted to mention is in the movie This Christmas featuring Chris Brown, Regina King, etc. Where one of the sisters in the family is married to a man named Malcolm, they have two kids and she is a stay at home mom where her husband is working all the time. They only got married in the first place because she became pregnant with her first child and they felt the right thing to do was getting married. However, after being married for about over a decade, the husband had been cheating with her from a lady from work, and the wife finally realized their marriage was no longer a marriage, they were no longer partners, that everything he said was a lie, they were no longer compatible so they ended their relationship and got a divorce and the wife was going to go back to school, get a degree, and be a single mother.

Family can be defined in different and multiple ways and each person has their own definition of what a family can be as the text also mentions. The definition of a family has changed over the past decades, and will continue to change as our society changes, and grows. However, it is important to not lose our own interpretation(s) of what a family is and means to us, because family is what keeps us going, whether it is parents and kids, friends with friends, or a combination, they are the people who know us best, and there is unconditional love, and no one and nothing can change that.

Relational Culture

When developing a romantic relation sip(s), it is important to be aware of how to navigate the relationship, meaning to maintain a healthy relationship by having effective communication with your partner, and take care of any unresolved issues that may be taking place. Under navigation,an interesting and helpful concept I found is the concept relational culture which "is a private world of rules, understandings, meanings, and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create for their relationship"(Bruess & Hoefs, 2006;Wood, 1982,2000a, pg.286). In other words relational culture has to do with unwritten rules that partners make in their relationship. It could include how a couple manages the way they speak to each other, for example they make sure they are open with each other on what is on their mind and going on in their life. It may also includes rules and rituals as well such as relating to how they communicate their anger, sexual interest, values, traditions, etc.

An example of relational culture reflecting in a relationship is with one of my good friends and her boyfriend. They both know what upsets each other, so they have their own ways of communicating when they are upset, bothered, or excited about something. Part of their relational culture is that neither of them have a social networking profile because that way, it lessens both their chances of being willing to talk to other people as far as opposite sex wise. They both also get suspicious of the other if one of them does not contact them at the certain time of the day like they do on a daily basis. I find their relational culture fascinating because I could and would never be able to have the same relational culture in my relationship. Relational culture depends on each relationship and it is different for every couple.